Unfortunately, the problem of not face the desire to end a relationship because of the fear that this idea gives. If it happens to you, the first thing you have to know is that you are not alone and that many more people suffer from fake love.
In this article I want to talk to you about that dependent love, which we experience towards someone that we cannot leave because he treats us well, he is a beautiful person, but unfortunately we do not have the strength to achieve that separation for reasons that we will see later.
Dependent love: characteristics of this problem
The causes for this phenomenon are diverse. For example, it occurs in cases in which our partner fails in one area of the relationship (sex) but complies with others (leisure), or we simply feel accompanied by him / her.
If something like that happens to you, read on to have some behavioral guidelines, but first let’s see several key ideas to make the most correct decision possible and, if necessary, take the step.
The value of honesty in relationships
Faking love is not good, nor is it real, much less a good investment. Love you have to feel it. Of course, it evolves and you will not feel the same after three years of relationship as after a month, we are not going to fool ourselves. When I talk about investment it is when you tell yourself that you are going to give yourself a little more time, since you may be going through a bad pothole; surely this is not accidental and you have been giving yourself a little more time (which should go for the year). Don’t be fooled and stop lengthening the non-extendable.
The patients with whom I have spoken about this problem, always tell me that they are with another person who does not fill them completely for any of these reasons:
- Commitment: we have many things in common, such as a mortgage, children … or even great plans for the future secured.
- Fear of later: if I leave it with my partner I will be forced to return to my parents.
- Comfort: for now with this person I have peace of mind, even if I do not feel anything for him / her and we have not gone to bed for three months.
- Living thinking about tomorrow: today I am with my partner, but as soon as I find another partner I leave her.
Before leaving our current partner, it is important that we do a good analysis of why we are with him or her. Notice that many times we have convinced ourselves and molded ourselves to a reality that is very false; The reasons set out above make us convince ourselves that we are in the most logical thing but it is nothing more than a patch on something that will soon or later take its toll.
It is important to be aware that being in a relationship involves a series of feelings or ideas that arise in love relationships that are in good shape, and that they are the following:
Key Questions for Orientation
Sometimes it is very hard to feel that the other person could have done many things for us, or that, for example, if we leave it, we will be very alone. Given this, you have to make yourself several questions to start:
- Do I have any past breakups that are weighing me down in my current relationship that I haven’t gotten over with? Many times the “nail drives out another nail” thing, and that is a big mistake.
- How long can I go on pretending this? Imagine a lifetime making you feel something you don’t want.
- Am I linking my current situation (see living in a city for studies) to being with this person for entertainment? Sometimes, selfishly, we think that if we leave that person we will run out of plans on the weekends and we will get very bored.
- Is it better to look like a fake or a real person? Ask yourself this and maybe it will help you too. Pretending is only going to help you create a fake relationship.
In conclusion, this type of behavior will only help us create false relationships., given that sooner or later this type of couples end up in infidelities, and ending a relationship after that problem is quite hard and unpleasant, so it is better to find a solution as soon as possible.
Do you need the help of a specialist?
My name is Javier Ares, I am a Health Psychologist, and I help people with their relationship problems. If you wish, we can have an online consultation from the comfort of your home. I offer a wide schedule.