Couples in crisis, dysfunctional families

Being the couple the basis of the family and the family the basis of society, we must ask ourselves: why is humanity experiencing one of the worst crises in terms of human values?

Our current society is sick because, among other things, we have not wanted to respect the psychobiological bases from which the personality of the human being is structured.

Go above these psychobiological principles, which have been widely explained based on the discoveries of Verny and Kelly in 1981, where “it was firmly established that parents exert an overwhelming influence on the physical and mental characteristics of children during their development” , it would be necessary to rethink: what is happening in couples?

The psychological implications of the dysfunctional family

Let’s analyze this great paradox. If the couple is the axis from which the family is structured, it means that a well-founded couple will be the architect of a stable and happy family, as a consequence of the commitment implicitly acquired by both; commitment that is inherent to cells as living beings that we are and to the human psyche, due to its ability to imitate behaviors. Therefore, the example that parents will pass on to their children remains of paramount importance, since it is from there that they will obtain much of what they need to form as a good human being.

Environments where love, respect, honesty, generosity, responsibility, common sense and good communication, among others, will be the values ​​that will articulate not only the stability of the couple, but also the happiness of all its members. Thus, if healthy societies come from healthy families and healthy families from healthy couples, then what are the circumstances by which a couple relationship begins to deteriorate and ends up destroying life as a couple and therefore that of the family?

In this first installment, I am going to refer to some of the causes of dysfunction as forms of behavior, and which are inherited from childhood because they were learned that way. The big problem is that they continue to repeat themselves unconsciously and they continue to cause the same damage in family relationships.

1. Not showing affection, respect and dedication

Let him know with his behaviors that you are concerned about his well-being, that he or she is important to you. Action speaks louder than words.

2. Not sharing household chores and responsibilities with your children when you both work.

It is important to agree on what tasks each can or should do, so that the distribution of responsibilities is equitable.

Couple doing housework

3. Failure to fulfill the responsibility of supplying the material needs of the home

Prior agreements must be made depending on income each.

4. Compulsive behaviors of extreme order or disorder

Develop ideas that take them to a middle ground that is satisfactory for both.

5. Do not share the moments of recreation or leisure

Living as a couple means that the same freedom is no longer enjoyed individuallyTherefore, it is necessary to negotiate outings with friends, so that no one feels left out. In addition, it is important not to prohibit him from going out with his group of friends in particular.

6. Not listening to the needs (physical or emotional) that the couple claims

The way you communicate does not help, because generally, these needs are not expressed directly, assuming that your partner who “supposedly knows you well” should know. You have to remember that in your partner’s head there may be a completely different idea than the one you have.; therefore, you have to learn to say things in such a way that they are totally clear.

7. Not expressing feelings and emotions correctly

This is sometimes done using mechanisms such as anger (exploding very easily), lies (avoiding the situation and you generate a time bomb, because nothing is hidden forever), or pride (which prevents recognizing mistakes and assuming the consequences of them).

8. Do not practice spiritual activities together or separately

It is important respect the beliefs of the couple, do not impose yours.

9. Not offering support when you want to study or work

Very often, large number of partners make the mistake of preventing the other person from developing, frustrating their future plan. These situations are very common especially in macho cultures like ours.

10. Not respecting the spaces of the other through a continuous control of what he does

This leads to very frustrating situations for those who are living it and usually triggers situations of abuse.

11. Do not participate in the meetings of the in-laws

This selfish behavior does a lot of damage to the couple, who by not ending up arguing about a topic, he shuts it up, generating frustration, anger and resentment.

12. Not managing money efficiently

Irresponsibility is one of the worst habits that not only destroy the relationship, but also the family finances. Vices such as gambling, drugs or alcohol and compulsive spending of money are the main ones.

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