Dating is always a potential trigger for stress and anxiety. The need to like the other person and to avoid rejection, they play tricks on us making us forget our values and ourselves.
Assertiveness to improve communication
Have a assertive communication It will help us to be able to show ourselves in an adequate way avoiding falling into servitude and unattractive attitudes and behaviors that make us appear weak and submissive. We can, therefore, communicate much better and get to connect emotionally with the person in front of us.
But what is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a type of communication in which the person does not attack or submit to the will of others; a way of expressing yourself adequately and congruently within the context and with yourself. It is useful to defend our ideas and rights without hurting or harming others, always acting from self-confidence.
Next, we will give you nine tips that will help you to communicate assertively in your appointments and will help you to have the success and confidence that you need so that your appointments become a comfortable context in which to build a healthy and quality relationship.
1. Get to know yourself
To start communicating what we like and what we don’t like, it is very important to know what we like and what we don’t. Although, it seems obvious, many times we let ourselves be carried away by others and our impulsiveness, without taking into account our attitude and our values. A good exercise to start reflecting is to make a list; in the right column we put the things that we like and in the left column those that we dislike.
2. Don’t limit yourself
Having a belief system that works for us will help us to relate in a positive way with others. Being suspicious will limit us and cause us a permanent feeling of stress. We have to find a way to feel good about ourselves to be able to be with others. Finding ways of thinking that do not make us fall into negativity and pessimism will help us overcome our social fear and make us more outgoing and overcome shyness.
3. What do you want to do?
It is permissible to think what we want to do. Trying to please our date will only make us forget about ourselves in a negative way and will show us weak and servile. It is important reach consensus. Let’s not forget that we have to be comfortable. We must not confuse it with selfishness; it is simply a matter of not being unhappy in a place or doing an activity that we don’t really like. After all, all we are doing is taking responsibility for ourselves. We have to take it as a negotiation, never as an imposition.
4. Don’t hold back
If we do not like something, it is good that we say it without fear. It is much worse to be silent and contain ourselves. It’s okay to disagree with someone. On the contrary, expressing our opinions and values openly will help us to show us how we are and will give us confidence in ourselves. We don’t have to be afraid to express our tastes, be they musical, cinematographic or botanical. All this information will also be useful for the other person and will serve as a guide to treat us better and with greater assertiveness.
5. Talk about how you feel
If at any time we have been upset or a comment or action has made us feel bad, it is good to comment on it, not to blame it, but so that the error is not repeated and avoid future problems. We have the right to be pleased and not feel attacked.
6. Actively listen
Paying attention to what the other person tells us will guide us in knowing how to treat them. But it is not only important to pay attention to the information transmitted. The tone of voice will give us information on the emotional state of the person. There are many ways to say I love you; It is not the same that they tell us shouting that they tell us whispering. The way they tell us things will help us understand what they mean to us.
7. Live and let live
There must be reciprocity in the deal. Everyone has the right to be well treated and that means that, in some way, we are obliged to treat others well. Must respect tastes and opinions of our date and, if we do not like them, we must learn to communicate it without offending or attacking the other person.
8. Look, think, comment
The cornerstone of assertive communication and of any communication, lies in knowing how to adapt the message to the person who is going to receive it. Observe the behavior of others, and correctly reading their non-verbal language, will help us to know how they are and we will learn to know when and how to say things. We are not sentencing machines. Showing our opinion and communicating it in an appropriate way to the context and to our relationship with the interlocutor will be the most effective way of not falling into aggression or imposition and we will make them feel comfortable, in addition to creating a framework of trust.
We all make mistakes. Sometimes we will inadvertently offend. It’s okay to ask for a cordial apology. Humans are not perfect machines, we make mistakes just like cats and pandas. If at some point we do not act assertively, nothing happens. Sincerely apologizeBy downplaying our mistake, it will help others to realize that we are human. In this way, excusing the mistakes of others will help us to be more assertive and confident because others are human like us.
In short, we don’t have to be afraid to say our opinions as long as we show them consistently without imposing anything on anyone. We have the right to be well treated and act accordingly to our demands. Positive thoughts will help us overcome shyness and they will make us lose the fear of being judged and having to defend ourselves from others. Observing others and knowing how to treat them will facilitate our communication and help us to express our opinions without fear of offending or being judged.